Following Family: Multi-Generational Moving to France

What happens when family members see their loved ones enjoying successful new lives in France? They relocate to France too! Gillian Harvey speaks to several expats who’ve made the move…

MUM AND DAD CAME ALONG TOO!

Richard Comfort and Sue Kelly, both 58, Tarn-et-Garonne

When Richard and Sue decided to move to France in 2019, they were concerned that Marilyn, Sue’s mother, now 79, wouldn’t feel able to visit. “She didn’t really travel, so we said we’d come back regularly to see her,” says Sue.

“We’d had a holiday home in the north Dordogne for 11 years and knew we wanted to retire to France eventually. Then, in 2019 after a particularly stressful year at our teaching jobs, we were talking and realised we had no time and no quality of life. We wanted to live. We decided to just take the plunge.”

Having sold their home in the UK, as well as their Dordogne holiday home, the couple invested in a house in Roquecor, Tarn-et-Garonne, keeping enough money aside to survive for two years with no income if necessary.

Fortuitously, the house they settled on – a maison de maître in traditional stone -came with a gîte, which after a small refurbishment brought in an instant income. The couple also trained as estate agents and began to work locally in the field.

Despite initially telling them she’d be unable to visit, Marilyn called soon after their move in the July to say that both she and Sue’s father Bill, now 81, were coming out for an October visit. If that wasn’t surprise enough, by December they’d announced that they were moving over to France permanently. “To say we were gobsmacked would be an understatement!” says Sue.

After a few Covid-related delays, Bill and Marilyn drove over in July 2020 to look at a shortlist of houses to purchase and fell in love with their current property. They moved over in December 2020, just a couple of weeks ahead of the Brexit deadline.

Although delighted at the move, Sue did have some worries that her parents might struggle to adjust. “They didn’t speak French, so it was a huge undertaking,” she says. “But other than having to source a few British staples like tea from the UK for mum, they haven’t looked back. They have more friends than they did back home, have joined an international club in the next village and go to coffee mornings and activities.

“We’ve all met some lovely people – both French and English-speaking – who have become like family. One of my closest friends, Patricia, recently took both my mum and dad to hospital appointments for us when we were away on holiday.”

Sue, who now also teaches an A-level qualification online to students in China, appreciates the extra time she gets to spend with her parents. “Back in the UK, I never had any time. But here, my work is flexible and, although we lead separate lives, we’re able to spend so much more quality time together.”

PEN PALS CONNECTION

Rebecca, 51, and Nick Fountain, 58, Ardèche

Rebecca’s first experience of life in France was in 1985 when she visited as part of a French exchange aged 12. “There was something particular about the Ardèche that’s drawn me back ever since,” she says.

Her connection with French exchange partner, Karine, also led to her family becoming closely acquainted with the region. “My parents made contact with Karine’s parents and they became friends. Every year after that, my parents would spend three weeks in France at the height of summer – choosing a different route each time but always finishing their break in St-Martin-d’Ardèche where Karine and her parents lived.”

Rebecca’s father, Stephen, now 76, in particular developed a real fondness for the area, meaning each time they returned from their holiday, he’d feel quite depressed. “One day he said to mum, that’s it, I’m going! Are you coming?!” says Rebecca.

After some initial concerns, Carole, now 74, was eventually persuaded and the couple bought a property that was “little more than a ruin” to renovate and convert into a B&B. “My mum stayed in the UK for about three years, working as a consultant and sent the money to dad to do the renovations,” explains Sue. “At the end of the three years,
they opened the B&B. That was 25 years ago.”

Despite spending several holidays visiting her parents, it was another 10 years before Rebecca and her husband Nick decided to up sticks and join them. “Nick was a structural engineer and his work dried up in the 2010 recession. I was working for the government’s Skill Council and heard I was being made redundant too.

“At the time, we were living in a house in Yorkshire we’d thought would be our forever home. We’d had our son, Maximus, in 2006 and assumed he’d grow up there. But we had so little time, it sometimes felt we rarely saw each other as a family. “Dad said, come on over! It’s easy! You’ll get a job no problem.”

Fortuitously, the house next door to Rebecca’s parents came up for sale and they jumped at the chance. After a year of settling in, Rebecca secured an admin role in an association, and Nick set to work renovating an additional property they were able to buy next door. They have now moved into this space, renting the other as holiday accommodation.

So, is it nice living in close proximity to your parents? “I’m an only child, so I’m used to being close to mum and dad,” says Rebecca. “That said, in our first property there was a shared terrace and you could walk from one property to the other. One day dad walked into the property when Nick was in the shower and I came down to find them having a conversation, with Nick completely naked. That’s when I thought, it might be better to have a little more distance!

“But we were all able to take Maximus to his first day at school, and have all watched him and supported
him growing up. He’s now 18 and studying at a top business school – ESDES in Lyon – and we couldn’t be prouder.
“I took French nationality last June and feel fully integrated. Mum and dad are very happy. And my French exchange friend Karine and I remain firm friends.”

SHARING A HOME AND MEMORIES

Debi Waller, 58, Indre

Debi’s parents, John and Anne Waller, first considered moving to France a place they’d spent many happy holidays – in the 1980s. But the arrival of their first grandchildren by their three sons meant they decided to stay put.

Then, in 2000, they decided it was now or never after John survived stage 3 cancer. “They came out for five days, but all the properties they’d earmarked had sold before they got here,” says Debi. “But the agent took them to a newly listed property and it was love at first sight.”

The couple, then aged 64 and 62, moved into the cottage with attached barn in January 2001. The property had no heating or electricity and had been empty for nine years. The pair worked hard to renovate the cottage to let out as a gîte, and started converting the barn into their main house, which would also operate as a B&B.

It was three years later in 2004 that Debi moved to France to be near them. “I came for a month’s holiday with my daughter Caity, then two, after getting out of a difficult relationship,” she says. “I was looking for somewhere to rent back home, but my parents suggested I try in France – something I’d never considered. I returned to the UK after finding a suitable property and was back three months later, bringing all the belongings I could squeeze into my brother’s van.”

Renting a nearby cottage worked well, and Debi and Caity settled into their new life in France. Debi, an artist-sculptor and graphic designer, was able to continue her design work remotely, and her daughter soon settled into the
local maternelle (nursery). However, six months on, Anne began to drop hints that Debi move into their gîte. “I worried it was too close, but eventually I decided to give it a try. It was better paying rent to them than someone else, and it was wonderful for Caity, then three, to grow up with her grandparents next door.”

Sadly in 2009, Anne became ill and eventually passed away in 2011. “It was really hard, but I was so relieved that I was there to help mum when she was ill and be there for dad after she died. I don’t know what he would have done otherwise.

“Dad never gave up. We worked as a team to keep the property ship-shape. I did all the cooking, he did the maintenance. We’d eat together in the evenings, play board games and go out on trips together.”

John passed away peacefully in his sleep in December 2022. However, Debi intends to remain in France. “Hopefully, I’ll be able to afford my own small house with my share of the inheritance, and will continue to run my business. I’ll also be able to support Caity, who’s now 22 and a budding young writer.

“My parents were there for me when I needed them, and I’m so glad I was able to be there for them, and spend some real quality time together in their later years.”